Laziest President in American History Departs for 17-Day Golf Resort Vacation

"Don't take vacations. What's the point? If you're not enjoying your work, you're in the wrong job," said Donald Trump knowingly in 2004. "Barack Obama played golf yesterday. Now he heads to a 10-day vacation on Martha's Vineyard. Nice work ethic," observed Donald Trump sarcastically in 2010. "President Obama is about to embark on a 17-day vacation in his 'native' Hawaii," exclaimed Donald Trump incredulously in 2013. "I would not be a president who took vacations," promised Donald Trump confidently in 2015. "I'm going to vacation for the next 17 days at a New Jersey golf resort with my name on it," whispered Donald Trump, probably, in 2017.

Yes, the president will reportedly leave the White House on Friday to begin a 17-day stay at Trump National Golf Club in Bedminster, which historians believe will be the longest period that anyone who does not reside full-time in Somerset County will voluntarily travel to and stay in Somerset County. (Imagine being told that you can take an all-expenses-paid vacation anywhere in the country and deciding on...New Jersey.) This is, of course, not the first time that Trump has enjoyed time away from the White House on taxpayers' dime—the price tag of his weekend jaunts this year alone are estimated to outpace President Obama's entire eight-year travel budget—but it will be the lengthiest trip he's taken yet.

As it so happens, the White House is undergoing renovations to its ancient HVAC system this month, so as long as West Wing staffers have to clear out anyway, perhaps now is a sensible time for the president to get away—especially given that he apparently doesn't think much of the place's condition as it is. Plus, this is traditionally a popular time for presidents to escape the dreaded late-summer swampiness of Washington, which is generally unfit for human habitation between now and Labor Day. (Of course, none of those previous vacation-taking presidents spent years disparaging the very idea of taking a vacation as president, but still.)

Anyway, I would like to take this opportunity to wish Donald Trump the most relaxing, refreshing, blissful holiday imaginable. Don't even worry about the grand jury that Robert Mueller has convened as part of his sprawling investigation into your inner circle's alleged connections to the Russian government! It's probably fine! Just enjoy yourself, man! In fact, if at the end of 17 days in beautiful (?) suburban New Jersey you decide that you simply can't bear to leave such an enchanting (?) place and return to Washington to resume the tedious task of governing, that's quite all right. People will understand.

Jay Willis, GQ, August 4, 2017


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